2014 for me has been a significant year. This is the year I have come out of the closet, a little. Usually people come out of the closet with socially unaccepted secrets like they are gay or are HIV +ve or some such matter. The reason they were not talking about it before is because it would lead to lot of social stigma and backlash.
I am coming out of the closet about spirituality. ‘I am spiritual’.
Yes, even though I went and lived in an ashram for a year, volunteered with them for a while and overall live a sattvic lifestyle. I really never bothered talking spirituality. I never wished to be pegged as ‘spiritual’ so would refrain from many activities in public – like if I generally want to chant, listen to bhajans, light a lamp or even put Vibhuti on my forehead.
Why I never wanted to be pegged ‘spiritual’?
1) Because in Mumbai, it is not Cool. It is considered old fashioned, conservative and boring by people of my generation and younger. & I don’t fall in any of those brackets. I am much more like a rebel. I would drink, smoke weed, party and sleep around randomly – IF I SAW ANY SENSE IN IT. I don’t. I think it is a very stupid and irresponsible behavior. Not all who indulge in this are stupid, some sensible people also go through a phase where they indulge in such things…. but I have no need for any of it.
2) Because it puts you in the ‘Good Girl’ bracket. I am a rebel, as I said above. I question social norms all the freakin time. I travel solo. I run a startup. When I think necessary I am brutal with people. I am blacklisted from the aforementioned ashram for writing a blog about some bad administrative experiences. So please refrain from thinking I am ‘good’. I am frikkin insane would be more like it. I am in Shiva’s gang.
3) A lot of ‘Spiritual’ people are humbugs. Ooh yea. This is the crucial reason. The above two are so-so but this is main. In India (don’t know of elsewhere), Spiritual firstly becomes synonymous to Religion. So very often ‘spirituality’ is about a lot of dogmas and beliefs. This type of fake spirituality based on stuff you don’t know anything about IS in fact boring!
A lot of times ‘spirituality’ is about excuses, shortcomings, failures. Sometimes it is about being sugary sweet and forced happy. It all gets so convoluted and lot of times it is just a whole psychological complication. So this is why I never wanted to be openly ‘spiritual’. Better to have it in my heart, and follow whatever practices I wish to in private. Lately however, I have been opting for a much more sattvic and yogic lifestyle. I have found it to be so fulfilling and wish to explore deeply.
So what can I say, I gotta come out of the closet. It is difficult. Because trust me, you sit in your office and put on some bhajans in the background. No one wants to listen to Bhajans. But that is what I generally keep listening to on headphones.
It is hard to come out of the closet.
But it is a work in progress.