Being the Family Extra – An Open Letter to my Family

Dear Family,

Recently something shook all of us up. The news was shocking and we were all very concerned for the people involved. It was sensitive and it was something that we wish never would have happened. But it did, and we were informed of it.

Once being informed as part of the family we felt like it had happened to someone very close to us. Sadly however there were too many of us. There were the people who were directly involved. They were understandably the most affected and hence we would not think of imposing much on them except to say ‘we are there for you’. Then there were those who were taking care of them. These people were busy taking care of the situation and as and when got free would hopefully tell us about the developments.

As the situation progressed more and more there seemed that I am simply not needed. This feeling started growing on me when – the person I asked to for an update on the matter told me rudely to stay away and not impose.

All of us sitting tensed out waiting to know what is going on – but the people involved don’t have time to inform us. Nor do you want to discuss the matter again. How does sitting tensed like anything, even contribute to the entire situation at all?

Maybe a chain of information flow should be created – where naturally after any development the information flows down it and the various party remains involved. But it didn’t really. Maybe it was too much to be expected.

In the extra few of us, rumours were flowing around. Intense debates happened about what should be done – none of which would get to the parties involved. It is kind of crazy.

It is not fun to be a family ‘extra’. Waiting around to be called, in case any work was needed, otherwise forgotten. This situation has helped me develop new boundaries of closeness. Who is ‘Close’ and who is Not. When it is extended family – don’t worry much, because I would never really have to help out. There are just too many of us family who will be there. If I do have some thoughts then sound it out once and then that is all. My role is over in the matter.

It sounds like I am writing something sad. I am not. I am just writing what I realised. Because I realised more. The thing is that when I am not needed around then well, I can go elsewhere. Having understood this I can manage myself much better.

Too many cooks spoil the broth – so what are the extra ones to do? Well, they go elsewhere. They can cook other dishes and just generally chill out.

So in the spirit of sportsmanship – I declare that the ‘extras’ should truly chill. They should appreciate the shade of the pavilion, the ac rooms, the good food and just the general chilled outness. 🙂

What may happen is that I may get involved elsewhere and then if at sometime you need me, I may not be there. Well, you know what – you will manage! Yes, truly.

Warm Regards,





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