As I draw nearer to the half way point of the 30s, I have had an insight that has been very settling in a deep way.
Over many years now, I have significantly changed as a person. I am now living a life, that is beyond anything I could imagine in my childhood. There are a few social aspects that have played a role in this. Better situation for women, myriad career options, better salaries, globalization and so on. These social changes has also meant that my fellow school and college students are now in significantly diverse situations in life – in terms of career / family / personality / region….
Though this was kind of anticipated, because in the school and college we are all together but then we kind of go our own way. And also there is the child – teenage – adult transition that happens at this time . So one feels it’s natural.
But in the last couple of years, I have seen adults in their late 20s, 30s and even 40s have drastic shifts in their life. Really ‘good’ marriages breaking up. Monks leaving their monk-hood.
And when I came to know of this big shift in their lives, I started looking at my past many experiences with them, and I gain more nuance and depth in their conduct (however, it may have been). I was thinking about what they would have been going through internally, after which the huge external change happened.
I see a need to be gentler to other human beings. Because, whoever I interact with, only a part of their story is apparent to me. And with some of the people I may be able to gauge some of their qualities. But I don’t know their full story and what is going on within them. So sometimes the interactions may be rough, or they may be sweet, but better to let it all pass.
The Baggage of Human Interactions
A large part of our baggage as humans is that we have undesirable interactions with fellow humans and we carry that weight for too long. We hold some resentment, grudge, jealousy or even just a feeling of rejection and failure. But it’s all naught when you realise that the STORY of these people will change drastically too. Either in near future or in distant future. Same also applies to pleasant interactions, they also often contribute to a lot of false notions and ideas which may also mis-direct us for a long while in our lives.
These people who all have their own stories, in a very rare case, they may get enlightened, in which case we can be sure that the interactions with us – pleasant or unpleasant – weren’t a burden or attachment for them. They were able to drop it all. And all the other folks, they will go through so many ups and downs in their lives… who is to judge whether or not they paid their dues for doing the supposed harm to you? So best for us is to develop a gentler mind towards these fellow humans who will anyway suffer…
“Of all the happiness in the mundane world, there is none which is not suffering” ~ Avatamsaka Sutra
Moreover, a lot of actions may seem harmful initially but later one sees benefits in it. Especially, in the younger age it is true – for example, parents scoldings are often for a good reason, but we resent it as kids. This is also true of Spiritual path. For example, adversity is often a better teacher than prosperity – hence sadhakas often choose to renounce all belongings. In this way, even the teachings and guidance of the Guru on the spiritual path may seem negative at first but later we realise it was invaluable.
So,
- We all Humans are suffering one way or another until we find mukti
- Until we fathom our true nature, how can we fathom what is good for us and what is not?
So let’s be gentle with people, their (and our) stories change!