Many years back my Grand-dad died. It was one of the closest deaths for me. Other deaths had taken place but either I was too young, or I personally didn’t feel a major connect with the person. So this was one of the closest deaths for me.
Naturally, I went with the men folk to the crematorium and sat through the burning of his body on the wooden pyre, with my male cousins. My brother lit the pyre while I stood nearby. One uncle encouraged me to light it too, but I was happy just standing there.
The cremation happened beautifully in one of the most beautiful grounds possible – the Banganga crematorium at Walkeshwar, Mumbai. I have earlier written about the GSB Kashi Math in this area. It was clean, quiet and we were the only funeral party there. There was adequate sitting area for all of us, for the entire time it would take for the body to burn down. And behind the pyre, we had the Arabian sea, calm and placid.
After a few hours, as we returned, a lot of us, felt lighter and relaxed. The heaviness of having lost a dear one was behind us, and we felt like internally we also found a release with the burning of the body.
I was happy that no one opposed my wish to go to the cremation. But I did notice that I was the only woman there. And that this was not generally done.
Lately there have been a few media reports on women being part of the funeral party, one of the most iconic ones is this photo of Smriti Irani lifting the dead body of her work associate who was murdered.
I find this photo so powerful.
And yet, since I delve into spiritual processes, aghora and all sorts of stuff. I have been wondering on this whole hoo-haa where traditionally women aren’t allowed for these rituals.
Chatting with an Isha Foundation Monk about this
A while back I visited the Isha crematorium in Coimbatore. Wrote about it in Deccan Herald. On this visit, I chatted with an Isha Foundation monk on whether Sadhguru has spoken about this – whether women should visit cremations or not.
There seem to be 2 genuine reasons why it is indeed better that women desist visiting these rituals. Note, this has been written on basis of what I understood from the monks words about what SJV spoke.
#1 A Fresh Womb
when the dead body is taken to the crematorium for burning, one of the most significant things that happens is that, the life has to now compulsorily leave the body. Because there won’t be any ‘body’ left for it to cling to. Death means the life loses its body and discriminating mind. As it moves out towards the next journey, it is ruled by its tendencies. It’s discriminating mind is over, this means it can consciously choose what would be a better womb for it. It has to go by its tendencies. So that is why they say, that the last moments of passing must be in a certain way so they leave with such tendencies that would take them to better places. If they die badly (doesn’t necessarily mean outward events – ‘dying badly’ refers ONLY to their internal state) then even if they were great people, the last negative tendency will lead them astray.
So once the body is taken for burning, the life has to move on, and naturally it will start gravitating towards a womb as per its tendencies.
Now, if there is a woman in the crowd who is ready to carry a child. Then it would be like an invitation to that life. So as a woman, we would distract the life from its natural course.
#2 Similarly, menstruation
While on the physical and social level, we need not be squeamish about the blood. It is only blood. But at the subtle level where a bodiless life is roaming around, the flow of blood and especially menstrual blood that made up a womb, will again be an invitation of some kind. So that is again an issue. The menstrual blood, I understand, is actually used in many tantric rituals because it has a certain quality to it.
These are two reasons which I find legit.
So I don’t think women going to the crematorium should become a norm. But if we have a deep wish to go, then we should go.
With my grandfather, this was my natural wish, so I went. And I would do so again if and when a wish happens. But otherwise, if it is not needed for me, or if I am menstruating then I would desist.
If we women were to get all aggressive about our “rights” and seeming discrimination then one consequence is that it will soon become a social obligation for women to go. Like other social functions where if we don’t want to go, still we have to.
So this matter should be conducted a bit sensitively. If you have been wondering about this matter, I think the above two reasons are something to ponder on.